Trauma

Not sure which came first.  The trauma?  Or the illness?  Did the trauma bring out the illness?  Was the illness just there, waiting to burst out into the open, given the right conditions?  Probably both.

The odd thing about trauma though is that you get glued to it.  You’re stuck at that age when it happened.  Or maybe somewhere around there.  When people ask me how old I feel, I say 12.  I don’t know, why I feel 12.  I just do.  What I do know is there were many traumatic experiences in my early years that almost certainly contributed to my illness.

When I was in my crib still, I remember awaking at night and seeing a monster shaped like a human, only it was made out of clay, and its presence felt like clay, dragging you down with it.  I knew it was coming for me.  But I didn’t know why.  I decided to play dead.  I lay there on my stomach intensely panicked as this thing approached me.  I didn’t know what would happen or where I was going.  I just knew it was coming for me.  When it approached the crib what it did struck me as really strange.  It ran what felt like a talon down my spine.  It made me shiver.  I had been marked.

Whoa!