It’s a rare moment in a long life when the love for life returns. For you have been deprived of this emotion for most of your life. You spend most of your life depressed.
That’s when the sun hardly ever comes out. But you are such a patient one. You have the patience of a saint for refraining from the act of killing yourself. Most of the time, life doesn’t feel worth living. Nothing ever good crosses your mind. You are a ghoul of grim and gory stories. Horror movies make you laugh. And then one day, you discover that life can be beautiful. Indeed. Life is a luscious piece of candy. So many emotions that you are forbidden to feel — Rarely do you engage your emotions with anything more than a flat picture of life. Intellectually you know exactly what’s going on. But you can do nothing to maneuver that dull pain that haunts you most of the time. It’s a horrible emotional pain that robs your sensations and ability to feel anything more than persistent sadness. In its various forms. Which are many. Mnnnn… That wonderful smell of success. So intoxicating. And yet you are humbled that you were able to get a glimpse of this — for you — rare phenomenon. Of actually feeling alive. Because most of the time you feel dead. You know that familiar feeling … perfectly. Yet you have no control over it.
So Ozzie asked me if it inspired me and I replied: Not exactly inspired me but allowed me to express what was stuck inside my head.
Hahaha. Ozzie has given me an assignment. How is life beautiful. That’s what she wants to know. She says its gotta be more than one sentence. But that’s how it is, I say. It comes like a blast out of nowhere. There it is. Everything is in perfect balance. Emotions and Mind are synchronized. You feel at peace. The Absence of Fear. Of going with the flow.
One might wonder what it’s like to live life the way I do? Mostly down. And then try to explain it as cheerfully as you can. Simple, right? Humph! I love Ozzie. She is my best friend. Both creative and practical she has the ability to make sense into beautiful things. Beautiful because they are so simple and true.
I tell her about a comment someone left, which I didn’t know how to take. Was it intended to make to offend me or make me laugh? There were two odd sentences, and the positioning of the words and phrase that completely confused me. After some not very hard thought I decided it made me laugh. But I wasn’t sure how. Was it satirical? Or complimentary in a way? He pulled out his Rolling Stones pocket book and wrote: You’re so vain. you probably think The Occasional User is about you.
Maybe even someone with a sense of humor perhaps?
So I told Ozzie the story and her one liner was: Of course it’s about me. Who’d you think it was about?xs I don’t know who you are — I only know about me. And in this way puts it to rest.