Beyond Physics

This Buddha is made of pewter. I have had him for decades. I found him (or should I say he found me?) in Chicago where I was born and lived until I moved to Maryland in 2005.

He is always with me. He has gone wherever I have gone. And I have traveled to many places, both physically, and throughout the mind, knowing I am nothing more than a drifter along its surface. Still, I attempt to connect the threads, like a spider would, while knowing this is an exercise in futility.

This Buddha is as constant as I am devoted to him. He easily fits into the palm of my hand, and his location is always precise, exact. He never veers away from the middle.

But now that I have stepped into the last chapter of life, and I am in a space, filled with everything I love, Buddha is now anchored between the world inside and the world outside of my window where the sun sets. But there has been a subtle shift that defies the laws of physics and which I am unable to explain. He has adjusted his focus towards the northwest.

At first, I thought I had done something, that I was somehow responsible for this shift, this adjustment. But my pattern has been consistent. Shortly after I awaken, I say: “Good morning, Buddha.” Then I stroke the crown of his head, delighted to see the smile on his face, the fullness of his belly, and go about the ritual of waking up to yet another day. 

Nonetheless, I continued to grapple with this puzzle as a scientist would.  I measured the shifts. They were frequent, and seemed beyond the scope of probability. Further, every time the shift occurred, I would re-center him, while keeping track of the cycle, and continued to ask: Could this shift be nothing more than an subtle act on my part, or could it be something more esoteric, beyond my comprehension?  What role did I play?  It was entirely possible that no-one other than myself was the author of what appeared to be a mystical experience, but which was, in fact, nothing of the kind. Perhaps I had a skill unbeknowst to me as a Magician?  But I did not trouble my already troubled mind much longer with this puzzle, and so I let it go. And in doing so, I was now free. Free to fly beyond the sky.

(Note: This is one of those pieces that will keep shifting until it finds its way home. In the meantime, let it take you wherever it is that you go — even if that place is nowhere.)

 

 

 

 

 

A Woman In Line

JOKES
A Woman In Line
To get an audience with the tax collectors in Athens, you have to get in line, as early as 5AM, to get a piece of paper with a number – your personal number – penciled on it. It’s the line for the hottest show in Athens, where citizens who provide amusement for those in Power are part of every act, – “Shades of The Greek Government”
(A WOMAN IN LINE)
“It’s a Thursday. And it’s February, so I didn’t have to get here at 5am – which is good, you know – but I was here before 7am, and it’ll be an hour before I get my ticket, and I can get outta here for a while.”
(LATER)
“Where exactly are you now?”
“Well, now, I’m gonna head back there and probably wait for another hour-and-a-half before I
actually see anybody. And then, maybe they can help me. But you never know.”
(ONE DAY LATER)
“Yeah, well, yesterday didn’t go so well. So, yeah, I’m still in line.”

The Human Imposter (Revision)

The Human Imposter
One day I discovered that where our tails had once been, scales now began to appear and develop. The rest of my flesh was still intact, but for how long? While most prefer to think in terms of evolution, I was forced to consider an alternative to orthodox doctrines – de-evolution. Could I be going backwards? How far had I evolved if this were, in fact, the case? Did I evolve into a worthwhile specimen?
Instead of ascending to higher planes, I was returning to that pool where everything – at least, in this world –
The Cosmic Soup.
And if that were the case, would that be the end, or would that merely begin the entire cycle again? And what would the journey backwards consist of? Would we use the same route going back?
But first, back to getting here …
If that were so, that would mean that at some stage, we were anything but human, our origins, unknown. Was there a hidden door, hitherto unknown, to becoming human – just when we thought we had figured out the puzzle, a piece would then dislodge the entire frame of thought? We could have been dogs, tigers, elephants or mastodons. But what would those who had become mastodons, for example, having faced extinction – what would become of them? Were they dead-enders?
If that were so, then how did that influence those others who became what we are?
The ones who completed the entire cycle? Would a person who had once been a tiger, for example, now be a danger to others? Who were the rats that populate our cities and countryside? Does any of this even make any sense?
If there were a door, or some other type of latch, whose existence we had not been previously privy to, this would then require yet another adjustment of scientific, moral and religious thought on a radical scale.
It seems that if this were so, we would have to rewrite biology (and other) textbooks, to explain the enormous shift in thought, to explain how this freshly picked bulb proved the entire body of knowledge and thought completely wrong. Everything would have to be reconstructed.
If that were so, then we could place each version side-by-side, and study the errors in thought we had made and how those errors yielded false conclusions. And we would always have to leave space for that knowledge we still did not possess, and may never possess – Ignorance, the knowledge of The Unknown.
Now that kind of job would interest me – reviewing the lineage of flawed ideas, knowledge, perceptions, and perspectives, and their application in the world we live in. But I fear this will not be possible, as I observe the transformation my body has embarked on, the rapid reversal from flesh into scales, has now reached my fingertips.

The Picture I Didn't Take

Time is a morass of confusion for me, essentially. I keep (attempt to) track of it with tremendous difficulty. 
Sometimes, it works to my advantage, especially, when I think today is already tomorrow, but it’s not. I can make huge gains during those lapses
So. 
Today began with the usual confusion. I woke up and thought I had a productive day ahead of me. I had so many things I had to do, which I hadn’t done, so this was good news!  Productivity, ah. 
I bathed and dressed, got what I needed to have, and with a light touch, descended into the depths of conscious confusion. 
I headed for the bank first. I needed cash. And I had to go into the bank (Why?  
That’s another story.) 
As I neared the bank, a sense of apprehension overcame me. It looked dark. Why was it dark in there?  I knew it wasn’t Sunday. So why was it dark? It was always sunny in Paradise.  


So… 
Why was it Dark in Paradise!


Yep. 
That’s pretty much how the day went, today, so I decided to forget about today, and instead, think about tomorrow …

Today and today and today

It’s been that way all day, today. 
Finally, finally, finally – 
(But dare I say it? 
Very risky 
Very very risky. 
Oh, well. 
I’m not a Las Vegas Person. 
But this. 
This interests me immensely. )


TODAY
“Things are finally looking up.”
Good day yesterday. 
Good yesterday. 
Did research. 
Relaxed. 
Had my gourmet peanut butter and black currant jelly on country white bread sandwich. 


Listened to lots of music. 
Wrote. 
And wrote. 
And wrote and wrote and wrote.  
Went to bed. Slept well. Up during the night cause I had an earlier nap. Relaxed. And productive. Woke up rested. 
Took another nap. 
Worked and worked. 
Went out to get cigarettes and gas. 
Took Illinois Elgin – O’Hare something, etc., intending to go to Starbucks and spend the afternoon on my computer. But there was no sign on what was formerly 355 for the Woodefield Mall Exit, a major shopping attraction, anymore. 


I didn’t want to go to O’Hare, and besides, I doubted it was done anyway. They started building it when I was still living in the area. It would be years before it reached O’Hare, decades, perhaps. 


Not that I was thinking about the shit above when I was driving – nope. Not at all. Mostly I was trying to figure out where the fuck I was. I landed several towns away and in a different direction. So I decided to make a left at the intersection. The street was broad and had several lanes in both direction and was empty. 


I pulled into the outer left-turn lane. There were 2 outer left-turn lanes, land the light was red, so I relaxed a bit, and thought about getting my google navigation out, to help me find my way back to Woodfield. 


The other lanes, to my right, had green lights. But traffic was extremely light. So I sat in my lane and waited for the red arrow to turn into a green arrow, while the other lanes – on both sides of the road – were green. 


My focus was ahead. 


BOOM
BAM
CRASH
CRASH CRASH
BAM
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED! 
Fuck!  I was hit. 


I WAS OKAY. 
PRETTY MUCH. 
FOR A WHILE. 


The seat belt locked me tight against the seat. That was the most painful. 


Aside from splitting my upper lip (my first ever!) I felt physically okay. But my brain was no longer intact. Who knows what chemicals it was awash in now?




My Brain was in Shock. 


The absurdity of what I have so lovingly titled, THE ODYSSEY OF INVISIBILITY, of events – totally, outside of my control – would rival Voltaire’s Tale. 


Eventually, you start to wonder why Today keeps looking the same?
You’re cursed!


And the day keeps changing and looking the same. 
Today and today. 
However
I would rather not