The End of a Relationship

Is usually not pleasant.  Emotional turmoil.  And personal circumstances.  Combined, form the product of a bad collision.  Pain and suffering is normal.  And you only know that you can no longer stand it.  Because you know it is killing you.  You are wasting away.  And are ignored.  Venom is aimed at you.  And all you know is that you can’t take it anymore.  You want to see it end.  And it feels like forever.  Your goal is to see that you are nourished and in a loving environment — even if that means being alone.  But you are not alone.  Because you have Aristophanes.  And what better companionship at a time like this.  So you are hopeful.  Because you know every time you look at his face he draws love out of you and a smile.  So you are not alone.  Not really.  Not with him.  And all you want to do is get well.  And you know.  That you will.

MacBook Pro

It is by far the most elegant Mac I have worked with.  It is built like a fine Modern Dancer, lithe and limber, organic, the way it moves.  There is nothing rigid about it.  Even when the computer is closed, you feel as though it is still with you.  The pulsing light on the front base of the machine is its breath.  It feels alive.

And then on the Intuitive Chart, the MacBook Pro is off the charts — like the other machines — it has a great and reliable operating system that is easy to use.  You can’t beat that!

I got the big one.

I saved for 3 years to buy it, but it was doomed from the start.

Just as I skipped through Heathrow’s sliding doors, the bag I had my computer in fell and bounced on the ground.  I was aghast.  But I knew these machines were built sturdy, so I didn’t panic.  But when I got to the hotel and took it out of its sleeve I was horrified to see that it hit at exactly the spot it needed to, to damage the ports, primarily the ethernet lips, which became squeezed, therefore making it difficult to put in and remove any ethernet cables.

Luck!

That was the first boo-boo of 2010.  Took place at end of February.

The second one happened when I had moved south of Athens to a house in Paralion Astros, a town filled with sinister people, but with heavenly beaches.  I am usually very careful around my computer with liquids, etc.  But I placed my coffee cup on the table to distract Aristophanes, and he jumped and he tipped the coffee cup.

Ker Splash!

There goes my computer.

I flipped it over to drain and could not bear to touch it for 3 days.  When I finally did, I discovered that the pad no longer worked.  But that was okay, because the pad is how I damaged my shoulder, resulting in a diagnosis of acute tendinitis.

Still.  I was pretty bummed out.

And then, the final, third disaster took as its setting an angry 26 year old who drenched my MacBook Pro with water.  That, finally killed it.

So now I sit at a reconstructed computer with large blocks of my information lost.

As intended.

Halloween

There’s nothing like Halloween — my favorite holiday, by far.  All that spooky, psychic stuff really gets to me, satiates my appetite for the moribund.

Only problem is, it doesn’t scare me!

What scares me are real people and how far they go.  The really sick ones.  The ones who should be locked away so as not to inflict the pain and suffering they inflict on others.  Unfortunately, it is the victims of these human atrocities who suffer, while they roam freely and plant destruction on their latest target.  The ones who are not strong enough to protect themselves.  The compromised ones.

I am composing a checklist of emotionally abusive personality traits — many are direct from personal experience — others are collected by those others have shared with me.  But the goal is always the same:  to inflict pain and suffering.

They will go to great lengths to do this.

They will destroy your property, for example.  But never hold themselves accountable for their actions.  Because they will always justify their emotional aggression towards you.  You deserved it. That type of thinking.  You know — You made me do it. And so justify their rage towards another human being.  This example may not be that common but it has happened and simply illustrates the degree of hostility these people hold for their victims.

More common examples are demeaning the vulnerable person, demanding the person do something they do not have the ability to do, withholding financial support, and physical comfort, such as heat during the colder months, and food.

I don’t like to use the word victim generally, because I know I am capable of changing, i.e., removing myself from a situation that is abusive.  However, when we are in the midst of this vicious cycle — because it is the same cycle as that of physical abuse — and you are trying to break its grip on you, you are by its very nature a victim, and therefore highly vulnerable.

They will badger you until you can’t get up.

Just because the abuse does not show on the outside, the bruises are there, tucked inside of the psyche and the body and work their magic potion.  This, unfortunately, is exactly what’s wrong about systems that do not recognize emotional abuse as being as deadly as physical abuse.  They are the same in essence.

Emotional abuse   is    physical abuse.

Not only does the mind suffer but so does the body, and especially if you are already predisposed to suffering states of mind, which the abuser is fully aware of, and uses to his or her advantage.

Some people don’t need to decorate their houses for Halloween.  You may not know it, but when a trick-or-treater knocks on a door, they may be knocking on the Door of Hell, despite the smile that greets them there, to help them enjoy their holiday.