Conversations With My Hound … About Brooms, Motorcycles, Witches, And Caffeine 



BARKING

How many times have I told you not to bark at Black Motorcycles?
How many?

BROOMS

“Leave the fucking broom alone!  I need it. It’s my … 

Transportation. 

I’m a witch!”

PROCRASTINATION

“I know. I know. I’ve got to unpack. I get it. Thank you.”

OMG

“OMG. The World Fell Asleep! TELL it to wake-up!  Now. I got buses to catch, papers to collect!”

WORDPRESS 

“I can’t deal with these formatting issues anymore. I can’t. They’re driving me mad! Talk to them.”

MORNINGS

“TOO fucking early to talk about anything. No more barking!”

The Odyssey of Invisibility: Medusa’s Orphan

 

Once Barry delivered the car …

 … to me and after I moved back to Montgomery County, it was no longer feasible for me to drive to the dealership for service – to that remote town whose name I can no longer recall. I just knew it was very, very, very far away, –  But don’t ask me for directions, since I couldn’t say whether it was north, south, east or west of where I was, not clearly knowing exactly where I was anyway.

It was just out there.

So I had to connect with the dealership in Montgomery County for service and my free, weekly car wash. Well, it took me a month to go in for my free, weekly car wash, plus, the car was being temperamental, and I had to have that checked out. I pulled into the Service Bay and I was approached by a Service Rep, and I told him I had come for my weekly, free car wash.

“Do you have your yellow card?” he said.

“What yellow card? I don’t know anything about yellow cards; I just know that BMW made a commitment to provide free, weekly car washes.”

“Well, you have to sign up for a yellow card, and ….  That’s how we do it here.”

“But you are a BMW dealership and the Sister Company of that place where I bought it, aren’t, you?”

“What Sister Place?”

“The one in the middle of nowhere. That one.”

“Well, I’m not sure. Would you like to talk to the Service Manager?”

“I would.” I said. “Plus, my clutch overheated recently!”

Observing this exchange was Essex, also a Service Employee, and an older Black male – tall, lean, and handsome – who tried to advise the guy to just wash the car, but was unable to.

Soon after Lance came outside and greeted me. At that point, I was anything but your typical BMW client. I was disheveled, my hair, an almost perfect reflection of Medusa’s, except mine was asymmetrical, half-down and curled, and half-up, some parts better controlled than others with a thick elastic band, but with no discernible style or direction – other than random and chaotic, even other-worldly … maybe.

My clothing that day also reflected my overall dishevelment. In fact, I hadn’t showered yet, and that is why I looked the way I did. I would never go out in public deliberately looking that way, as I take pride in my appearance, and I am usually impeccably groomed.

However, as this task had been on my list for over a month and the prospect of putting a check mark, on the list in my head, greatly appealed to me, so I disregarded my appearance, and grabbed the opportunity, which erased any sense of vanity.

Lance escorted me to his office and I sat in a comfortable chair across from him and he asked me to explain what was going on, so I told him. I explained that Barry had told me about free, weekly car washes, and I couldn’t understand why it should be different from one BMW dealership to the next, especially since this dealership was owned by the same man whom I later referred to as a certain type of man.

“Plus,” I said, “The clutch overheated ten days after I got it!  It’s not like it’s a Maserati. It’s a BMW!  I expect solid engineering. And the clutch overheating makes me really nervous.

And if it hadn’t been for Barry, I would’ve never gotten the BMW. We worked for months on the deal, and he was always there for me – unlike the owner, who is a total prick!”

Well, Lance’s face turned beet red as soon as I called his boss a prick, and he said to me:  “I have to stop you right there. Have you ever met him?”

“No. But I would love to tell him that to his face. Or at least let him know that was my initial impression of him. When does he get here?”

“At the crack of Dawn.”

“Good. I’ll  put it on my list of things to do!”

“Well, he is a wonderful person and a great boss, and I take offense when you refer to someone you have never met that way.”

“I may have never met him, but I made that statement based on a highly negative interaction I had with him indirectly regarding my car and which was communicated to me. And if you are offended, I am sorry.  But just ask Barry. He’ll tell you how often I litter my correspondence with Fuck, as this is my favorite word. (So prick is relatively mild.) And we’ve been corresponding since March of this year!”

(It was now early December.)

Gradually, the redness retreated from Lance’s pale skin. Lance who is young -50s – and prematurely white-haired gradually restored his equilibrium.

And I apologized again.

And then we began talking and we talked and we talked and we talked. I still felt bad that I had hurt him and I felt ashamed by my behavior, and I later wrote him and told him that.

When we were done talking, Lance took me around the dealership and introduced me to staff. He wanted to make sure everyone knew me. He introduced me to the service staff and told them whenever I come in, to do whatever I ask them to do. (I was thinking about that though …  Anything?)

But Essex already knew that.

Then he introduced me to staff inside the dealership as well.

“I just want you to know she is part of our family now.” he said.

And then he gave me a huge hug and told me if I needed anything to just call him or stop by, and, enjoy my car, as it was a beautiful car.

The odd thing is that those with whom I forge strong relationships often begin with major clashes.

BORROWING: Breaking Down Concepts Into Simple Conversations

SUGAR MODEL

PROBLEM

One person has bought and filled a canister with sugar. Another person starts using that sugar. When the sugar supply gets low, the supplier tells the borrower, they will have to replace what they have used. The borrower agrees to do this. The supplier fills the canister with the sugar remaining in the 4 pound bag in the kitchen cabinet, which now has 1/4 sugar. Then supplier is uncertain about the amount of sugar in the canister. It’s not filled to the top, but it’s not empty, either. In fact, the supplier cannot remember how much sugar is in the canister. And has already forgotten that the bag is no longer in the cabinet, but in the garbage.

One morning, concerned that the vital sugar supply to sweeten the daily mug of espresso is dangerously, the supplier checks the cabinet and discovers the bag is no longer in there. Feeling threatened, the supplier moves the canister from the kitchen to a safe place.

The borrower bangs on the supplier’s door the next morning, waking up the supplier, angry and upset, that there is no sugar in the kitchen.

CONVERSATION

(BORROWER) Where’s the sugar!
(SUPPLIER) The supply was dangerously low, so I moved the canister.
(BORROWER) But I replaced what I had borrowed!
(SUPPLIER) When you have replaced what you have borrowed and continue borrowing from the same pot, then you have not replaced what you have borrowed.

Reality Check

LinkedIn Update Below

Just checking in and making sure I haven’t offended anyone recently. That sometimes happen when I am around.

This might explaint it.

GUIDELINES

If you care to go deeper into a subject, please use email.

Have you offended anyone recently?

I have.

Then. Then … Go say you’re sorry.

Okay.

Did you laugh harder than you have in a long time tecently?

Yes, I have.

Do you produce a lot of Mischief?

I do.
Unintentionally, though

Can’t see clearly on planet Earth.
Looks blurred to me.

Just checking in and making sure I haven’t offended anyone recently. That sometimes happen when I am around. And I’m always around fussing over technology. Straying from your intended audience, for example, superimposed above that, the image of an absurd crossing of Communication, which has had me laughing ever since.

I had never imagined such incongruity existed.

I was surprised.

That might explain it.
.