(I realized I hadn’t quite wrapped up this piece – I even forgot to put up a title.)
So here is my conclusion:
Sometimes thoughts can help resolve feelings and ensure a wiser decision than one based on raw emotion. And that’s what happened in this instance.
It was a new experience for me to feel physical aggression, mostly because I cower at such behavior. It frightens me. And so what happened, as my anger began to dissipate, is that the thought alone served its purpose – an emotional reaction – and that was it. There was no need to behave physically aggressive. I was satisfied. And, beyond that, I was delighted that I would not damage my hand by behaving aggressively, since my hands have incredible value for me. How would I write, for example? That would truly be devastating.
Still, it was kind of fun and novel to feel that experience.
I was so fucking pissed at someone that the only way I could think of deriving a sense of satisfaction and justice was by punching him in the face.
A left-hook, or something.
However as I am not familiar with the sport and as I have never done this before, I have no idea where my punch will land –
Somewhere on face.
But where on the face?
The cheek?
The jawbone?
The nose –
No, no, no.
It’s the eye.
Black-eye.
Shiner.
Tank you.
And I fantasized about giving him a shiner.
I could visualize the dark blue stain around his eye.
And the yellow around that.
Dark blue and Murky Yellow –
What a great color combination!
I was so fucking pissed at him!
That was the only way I could relieve the frustration I felt – through Physical Aggression.
I surprised even myself.
But giving him a punch felt fantastic!
Got my wings.
Put them on.
And took off.
